Sunday, May 13, 2012

Traditions and Spanish Poppies


“And your children shall rise up and call you blessed” 
"Sus hijos se levantan para proclamarla dichosa"
Proverbs 31:28

This is what came to mind a week ago, beginning last Sunday, Mother’s Day in Spain, and then returned numerous times ‘til it became a repetitive chant last night and this morning, Mother’s Day in the States. I already knew Mother’s Day in Spain would be different.  Reasons for life being as it is all aside, holidays away from home and my past are a beast. Today determination to find the good and the positive in each day may be all that holds the glue in me together.

Esto es lo que me vino a la mente hace una semana, a partir del domingo pasado, Día de la Madre en España, y luego regresó en un tema que no podía sacar de mi mente anoche y esta mañana, Día de la Madre en Estados Unidos. Yo ya sabía que el Día de la Madre en España sería diferente.  Las razones por las que la vida es como es son otro asunto, las festividades lejos de casa y mi pasado son como un bicho. Hoy mi determinación para encontrar lo bueno y lo positivo de cada día puede que sea el único pegamento que me mantenga entera.
Sunshine filled our bedroom room this morning, and the church tower bells soon let me know we wouldn’t make it to early mass on time. Just one foot in front of the other. Idyllic holidays and family traditions no longer exist. No breakfast in bed from my oldest son nor backyard flowers and card from my younger son’s hand. No Mother’s Day hugs from the four all around. You miss your own and miss your home until you think the aching will split you apart.

Los rayos del sol llenaron nuestra habitación esta mañana, y las campanas de la iglesia pronto me recordaron que no llegaríamos a tiempo a la primera misa. Pon un pie delante del otro. Las fiestas idílicas y las tradiciones familiares ya no existen. No hay desayuno en la cama hecho por el hijo mayor ni flores del jardín ni tarjeta de la mano del hijo menor. No hay abrazos del Día de la Madre de los cuatro alrededor de mí. Echas de menos a los tuyos y a tu casa hasta que piensas que el dolor te va a partir por dentro. 
There will be no eulogy of mothers at mass, to be sure; no inspiring message to share gratitude for those who bring life into this world or encouragement for so many who continue to mother in the trenches. There is no multigenerational brunch with grandmothers, moms and daughters, at home in the backyard sunshine, bright floral tableclothes adorning meals topped off by the best desserts and fruits a California spring provides. Best of all for me were the traditions of family of being together. There is much contentment and joy when you believe in and feel the purpose of it all, your raison d’etre, some twenty years in the making. Now I question myself and God, when life unravels, whether my children will now or someday rise and call me blessed. I ask my God this and other questions and suffer being so mortal.

No hay elogios para las madres en la misa, eso seguro; no hay mensaje inspirador que comparte la gratitud para las madres que traen la vida a este mundo ni ánimos para las que continúan su trabajo en las trincheras. No hay almuerzos multi-generacionales con las abuelas, madres e hijas, en el sol del jardín de la casa, manteles con flores brillantes adornando la comida, coronada con los mejores postres y frutas que provee la primavera californiana. Lo mejor de todo para mí eran las tradiciones de la familia y de estar juntos. Existe mucha satisfacción y gozo cuando crees y sientes el sentido de todo, y tu razón de ser, unos veinte años en el papel. Ahora me pregunto a mí misma y a Dios, cuando la aquella vida se ha desarmado, si mis hijos ahora o algún día se levantarán a llamarme dichosa. Se le pregunto esto a mi Dios y otras preguntas y sufro tener que ser tan mortal.
I talked with my own mother last night who is with her cousin/sister Jeanne in Huntington Beach. Aunt Jeanne tragically lost her only daughter to an early death a couple of years ago. Her beautiful daughter, my beautiful cousin. Mom said they walked the beach together, along a strip of land and sand we have called ours for four generations. With the the sound of soothing waves alongside, I’m sure they pounded out their shared and ongoing pain of missing their daughters. It’s Mother’s Day.

Hablé con mi madre anoche, que está con su prima, más bien hermana Jeanne en Huntington Beach. Tía Jeanne perdió trágicamente a su única hija en una muerte temprano hace un par de años. Su preciosa hija, mi hermosa prima. Mamá me dijo que habían caminado por la playa, a lo largo de una franja de tierra y arena que hemos llamado nuestra durante cuatro generaciones. Con el sonido de las olas confortantes al lado, estoy segura que compartieron sus penas continuas de añorar a sus hijas. Es el Día de la Madre.
OK, I can do this, I bravely say. It’s just the first Mother’s Day away. It’s going to be hard. Following years will be easier. My best and usual plan is to keep busy, do something we all can enjoy and need. So, I get the Butternut Squash Soup simmering, and remember the warm bread just picked up from the bakery. In such a way, this comforts and distracts me from the present pain. 

OK, puedo hacerlo, digo valientemente. Es el primer Día de la Madre lejos. Es que va a ser difícil. Los años que siguen serán más fáciles. Mi mejor y usual plan es mantenerme ocupada, hacer algo de que todos podamos disfrutar y que necesitemos. Así pues, pongo la sopa de calabaza a fuego lento, y recuerdo el pan caliente de la panadería que acabamos de comprar. De esta manera, me consuelo y me distraigo del dolor que presiento.
I wipe my tear-stained face just as Sara bounces down the stairs, fresh as Spring. She’s wearing a pistachio green lace top and jean shorts and beams as she sees me and Enrique. In conversation she asks with a smile, “Isn’t it funny that of all of the kids I’m the one who is here?"  We both laugh remembering how many years we butted heads and yet, here we are, all living so happily together in our small quarters. At the table we talk about parents and kids and she says she would love five, oh my! I laugh as we happily reflect on her and her sister and brothers' childhood that has been so good for her, and one that she’d like to repeat. We all have such good memories!

Me limpio mi cara manchada de lágrimas justo cuando Sara baja saltando por las escaleras, refrescante como la primavera. Ella llevaba una camisa de encaje verde pistacho y pantalones jeans y brilla al vernos a Enrique y a mí. En la conversación pregunta con una sonrisa, "No es curioso que entre todos los hijos que sea yo la que esté aquí?" Las dos nos reímos al pensar en los muchos años que nos embestíamos, y sin embargo, aquí estamos, los tres viviendo juntos tan felices en nuestro pequeño hogar.  En la mesa hablamos de padres e hijos y comenta que a ella le gustaría tener cinco, ¡oh Dios Mío! Me río mientras felizmente reconocemos que la niñez que tuvo ella y sus hermanos ha sido tan buena que la quiere repetir. Todos tenemos unas memorias buenísimas!
I sob. She takes my face in her hands, searches my eyes with hers and then tells me it’s going to be alright. It’s simply part of my journey. I couldn’t keep burying my pain in traditions, in family, in my kids. It was time to be honest, face the pain, move on. More was said, but bottom line, how did she get to be so wise?
We hug and commit to enjoying this first Mother’s Day in Spain. 
Thank you, Enrique, dear Spanish husband, for fresh squeezed orange juice every morning, today's walk on the outskirts of Astorga where these pictures were taken, your wonderful cooking all day, jokes and understanding. You are a treasure and I love you.

Sollozo. Ella toma mi cara entre sus manos, me busca con sus ojos y entonces me dice que todo se arreglará. Esto es simplemente parte de mi jornada. No podía continuar escondiendo mi dolor en las tradiciones, en la familia y en los hijos. Era hora ya de ser honesta, enfrentar el dolor, seguir para adelante. Hablamos más, pero esto lo he subrayado, ¿cómo llegó ella a ser tan sabia?
Gracias, Enrique, querido esposo español, por el zumo de naranja que me exprimes a diario, el paseo de hoy por el entorno de Astorga donde fueron sacadas estas fotos, tu maravillosa cocina durante todo el día, tus chistes y tu comprensión. Eres un tesoro y te quiero. 

6 comments:

  1. I feel your pain, and share the love and desire you have to be remembered and cared for on a special day. It is not wrong to want a bit of recognition for being the person that has loved and nurtured others and been devoted to helping them grow.

    However as you well know, traditions are full of hypocricy and have no real value other than to lamely show adherence to the tradition. What is important is what is behind the thought. Showing that you love and care for someone on a special day is a nice idea but sort of makes it ok, not to bother the rest of the time (if you see what I mean)

    Sarah, taking your weeping face in her hands, should be all you need to know about what your love and caring has done for your kids. Sure it is not evident every part of the day/week/month/year, but isn't this what makes it more special when it arrives unannounced ????

    And having a husband, who squeezes fresh juice and walks talks and has fun with you, surely is all you need to know about how you are received by others.

    I am as yet a stranger, and you have showed me a kindness, that will never be forgotten, and you can be sure that I will remember to thank you with love and a hug when I do meet you, all.

    Loads of love and hugs.

    Peaceful Warrior.

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  2. Mary, I can tell you from losing my own Mom when I was 27 years old, that I understand the pain of not having those good ol' traditions. My eldest two children were young at the time and for five years (yep, five), I didn't celebrate Mothers Day. It was just too painful. So my own kids missed out. Finally, after five long years, my ex-husband said "enough." I remember him saying "it's not fair to the kids, they want to celebrate and enjoy Mother's Day with YOU." I thought "for one he actually makes sense on this one." (laughing now). So, I made new traditions and we celebrated Mother's Day from then on. And then when I met my sweet Rick, we blended new families, I got a fabulous mother-in-law, and new traditions were borne. What I can say is that in getting to know Risa over the past few months, she tells so many fun, wonderful stories of you, her siblings and your family. She is so happy for you that you are on this amazing journey in life and while I know she misses you, she loves that you are loving life - even though it's so many miles away. I know yesterday must have been so hard for you....after all, we work all these years at being the best Mom and at consistency and traditions. I also remind myself, Mothers Day is just a day. There are many more days, hours, months in life and there will be many more opportunities for celebration. Big hugs to you. Your post is heartfelt and so genuine. Donis

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  3. My sweet, sweet Mary...I keep wiping the tears and they keep streaming down my cheeks. The starting over is so full of joy...and wrecked with agony in the same moment. The doubts that undermine breath, the longings for the past that can never be held. Questions so deep within the soul they never see the sun or pass the lips.

    Today is tomorrow's yesterday. Sometimes that is what helps me put one foot in front of the other. I can handle saying, "yesterday it hurt like hell...."

    Love you.

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  4. oh my dear sister...i weep with you and know the pain of Mother's Day from the opposite perspective...the child abandoned by the one who was to be the nurturer.

    the pain still there so many years later and yet...each year a bit better. new memories, new love, and always the peace that passes understanding.

    you are blessed and you are a blessing.

    i love you dearly! keep putting that one foot in front and someday soon you will be dancing again.

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  5. Hola Mary! acabo de leer el post y me ha emocionado muchísimo, ahora entiendo lo que comentaste en la clase de hoy. De lo que estoy segura es de que tus hijos deben estar muy, muy orgullosos de tener una madre como tu, tienes una familia preciosa.
    Comparto contigo una frase que siempre me ha encantado:"Madre es el nombre que le dan a Dios los labios y los corazones de los niños" (Película "The Crow" con Brandon Lee).
    You´re brave, you can do all what you want. (Espero haberlo escrito bien).
    Me encanta el blog!
    Ánimo y besitos. María José (de la Vega).

    ReplyDelete
  6. *Un comentario que llegó a mi correo electrónico, pero que no se pudo publicar aquí. Lo he pegado ahora.

    Hola Mary! acabo de leer el post y me ha emocionado muchísimo, ahora entiendo lo que comentaste en la clase de hoy. De lo que estoy segura es de que tus hijos deben estar muy, muy orgullosos de tener una madre como tu, tienes una familia preciosa.
    Comparto contigo una frase que siempre me ha encantado:"Madre es el nombre que le dan a Dios los labios y los corazones de los niños" (Película "The Crow" con Brandon Lee).
    You´re brave, you can do all what you want. (Espero haberlo escrito bien).
    Me encanta el blog!
    Ánimo y besitos. María José (de la Vega).

    ReplyDelete